Where Have All the Good Dads Gone?

For all of you living in a hole, Sunday is Father’s Day. Along with thoughts of ties and drills, I’m  thinking about books and characters. I can’t help it. Authors do these things. I'm also contemplating fathers in literature. Well, not just any dads, good dads. What I've realized is . . . they’re hard to find. I’m not sure if that’s because we are modeling our stories after society or because we’re writing what is trendy? After all, if the child has to become the hero, her parents must be dead, dying or delinquent. My question is, does it REALLY have to be this way? Can't we have some heroic fathers, too. There must be some fabulous father figures out there?

Maybe you can help me! Do you have a favorite book with a cool dad? If so, I’d like to add him to my list. In the mean time, here are a few that feel destined to be on most people’s list of The Top Ten Dads in Stories. See if you agree.     

 Heroic Dad: The actor who plays Brick on the television show The Middle is named Atticus. My guess is he’s named after Atticus Finch who, in my estimation, has to be THE best dad anyone could have. In To Kill a Mockingbird, Scout observes her father at home and in the court room and, while he is human and has his faults (maybe?), he is an EPIC dad in every sense of the word. Hats off to Atticus, and to Harper Lee who created such a great character.

2.      Secure Dad Yes, these days fathers seem to come and go, but not Pa Ingalls As described by his daughter, Laura Ingalls Wilder in the Little House series, Pa was the kind of father whom you could count on. He may have been a “country” man, but he was intelligent and brave and humorous. And while he kept his family safe in the wildness, he allowed his Half-Pint, Laura, to explore her world and to use her talents outside of the home.   

      Foster Dad: The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak is up there as one of my Top Ten All-Time Favorite books, in great part because of its father figure, Hans Hubermann. In the midst of World War II and dire circumstances, Hans takes the moral high road again and again, despite the personal threat to his life by the Nazis. Through his actions, 13-year old Liesel, his foster daughter, learns to stand up for injustice herself. And, like the narrator Death, the reader comes away loving her for it.

      A Modern Day in a Classic World: Mr. Bennett is father to Jane, Lizzy, Mary, Kitty and Lydia, in Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. In many ways, he is a classic Victorian father. He doesn’t want to meddle in the everyday decisions of the family. He leaves those things up to his wife. However, when Lizzy is about to make the mistake of her life by marrying a dud like Mr. Collins in order to save her family from financial ruin, Mr. Bennett pulls through. In his words, “An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.

      Inventor Dad:  In The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick, Hugo is inspired by his father, even though he is deceased. As with so many stories, there are characters who give the protagonist the will to persevere and they do so from the grave. It is the memory of his father that keeps Hugo tinkering with the automation, and it is the skills that his father gave him that help Hugo succeed. Along the way, Hugo discovers a new father in Georges Méliès, who begins to offer his love to the orphan when he needs it most .

      Caring Dad: Even before our own economic struggles, Ramona Quimby’s father had a few of his own. In Ramona and Her Father by Beverly Cleary, Robert Quimby, aka Bob, has lost his job and Ramona’s mother must go back to work. Certainly Cleary was ahead of her time in many ways with this theme, but Mr. Mom Quimby enjoys spending time with his daughters, even though they always give him a run for his money.

                       

      Well-Meaning Dad, But…: I have to include one father who barely makes the list. Paine Underwood is the father of Noah in Flush by Carl Hiaason. When the story opens, Noah is visiting his dad in jail on, you guessed it, Father’s Day. Paine is as far removed from Atticus Finch as you can get and yet, he is in jail for trying to do the right thing. He wants to stop his former boss, Dusty Muleman, from dumping waste from the Coral Queen’s holding tanks into the water at night. Initially, Noah is anything but pleased with his father’s actions. That’s until he uncovers his father’s true motivations—that he’s trying to save his family and the environment, It’s by following in his father’s footsteps that Noah saves the day.

         Timeless Dad:  Mr. Murry in A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle, is another father who has disappeared. While his daughter is considered a misfit in many peoples’ eyes, Mr. Murry has faith in Meg, knowing it will be her intelligence that will rescue him from It, a giant disembodied brain, on the planet Camazotz.

      Loveable Dad: Trixie’s dad in Knuffle Bunny: A Cautionary Tale by Mo Willems might be mistaken for a pair of legs and nothing more…and yet, he is a truly loveable father. Most likely, he is the one who has played a role in the loss of Trixie’s beloved bunny, but he is also the dad who will do anything to get that bunny back.

      Movie Dad: Yes, Life is Beautiful is a story as well, but most of remember Guido onscreen. He is the father of Joshua and is portrayed by Roberto Bernini. At first he is a fun, lovable guy who is known for his silly displays and sweet charm. As life grows more horrific for father and son in a Nazi death camp, Guido continues to preserve his  son’s spirit, protecting him by making fun of the evil monsters surrounding them.

My Visit with Kelly Belmonte and All Nine Muses

Had a lovely visit over at All Nine Muses today with Kelly Belmonte on her Fridays with Friends. http://allninemuses.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/fridays-with-friends-nancy-tupper-ling-pays-attention/

Raise a Glass, and then What?

It’s that time of year again. You’ve found yourself smack dab in the middle of the holidays. In the midst of all the hustle and bustle, there is a chance that you might be called upon to give a toast, especially if you are hosting a party. Perhaps this year you’ll blow the socks off of Great Uncle Lou when you raise your glass and offer a toast with great poise and finesse. In the words of de Cervantes, “Preparation is half the victory.”

Of course all the preparation in the world can’t prevent those unanticipated events best known as bloopers. Think of the hours, months, days that go into planning the perfect wedding. If you’ve watched those famous wedding bloopers, all it takes for one ceremony to go amuck is a well-meaning best man stepping on the bride’s train. Next thing you know both the bride and the minister are splashing into the pool’s blue waters behind them.

Still, as any professional toastmaster will tell you, it pays to keep a toast or joke in your back pocket for those important life events. When done well, a toast is memorable—a custom worthy of preservation. In days of old, even the humble blacksmith was equipped to ring in the New Year with a few words:

            May your nets be always full—

            your pockets never empty.

            May your horse not cast a shoe

            nor the devil look at you

            in the coming year.

As Paul Dickson says in his book Toasts: Over 1,500 of the Best Toasts, Sentiments, Blessings, and Graces, “There are a number of old things which we are well rid of—child labor, the Berlin Wall, scurvy, glass shampoo bottles, and too many others to mention—but there are still others that we are foolish to let slip away. Toasting is one of them.”

The custom of raising a glass to health, prosperity, and the holidays dates back to antiquity. It may be difficult to picture the cavemen toasting to a good hunt, but certainly the Hebrews, Persians and Egyptians were toasters. Even Attila and his Huns “led no less than three rounds of toasts for each course during a dinner of many courses,” according to Dickson. We can only imagine what a New Year’s toast by Attila would sound like: “Here’s to fast horses and conquering the small people of the world.”  Certainly, no one would want to leave Attila off of their guest list; there might be dire consequences.

In Great Britain, some of the first toasts to the New Year began as old wassailing songs, the following being one of those recorded:

Here’s to ________ and his right ear,

God send our maister a Happy New Year;

A Happy New Year as e’er he did see—

With my wassailing bowl I drink to thee.

While that toast may be outdated for our tastes, even the modern toaster can feel daunted trying to find the perfect toast for an event. One can be left tongue-tied and uninspired at the last minute. It’s true, the modern guest can whip out a smart phone from his back pocket, Google “Toasts” with one hand and raise a glass to cheer the New Year, all in one stride. This is all well and good, but there is something in the presentation that might be missing. After all, toasting is an art, a form of human expression.

Along with Dickson’s book, there are other helpful sources that can be found in our Minuteman system. Toasts for Every Occasion: Warm, Wise, and Witty Words Collected from Around the World by Jennifer Rahel Conover contains 1,300 toasts with an extensive list of 170 categories, including the blacksmith toast above. Some of the categories will give you a laugh between Baldness, Drunkenness and the light topic of Hell. For the New Year, you can’t go wrong with this one:

Here’s to the blessings of the year,

Here’s to the friends we hold so dear,

To peace on earth, both far and near.

The editors of Town & Country publish one of my favorite books. Town & Country Toasts for Every Occasion is well-organized, easy read. Along with several holiday toasts, you can find a toast or two on the subject of Fishing. What more could one need then a little hook, a line and some bubbly? Maybe Attila could have learned from this well-mannered book. As the saying goes, “teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.”

The book with the most toasts and sayings is entitled, Toasts & Quotes: Little Giant Encyclopedia by Sterling Innovation. Perhaps the most helpful section of this resource is the ten pages at the beginning with tips on presenting a speech. I find “short and sweet” to be the best words of advice I’ve ever received when it comes to a good toast. Dag Hammarskjöld proves this point with the following:

For all that has been—Thanks!

For all that shall be—Yes!

When all is said and done, and we’ve survived the Mayan calendar and entered 2013 with gusto, it’s likely most of us can relate best to the pragmatic toast of the beloved O—Oprah Winfrey:

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

Even the blacksmith of old might raise his glass to such a sentiment as that.

First Steps

It began on a trip to Alaska. I read about a library in a small town that provided books to the newborns in their local hospital.
       “Hey,” I thought. “We have a hospital in Norwood. Why not do the same thing?”
I wanted to jump right in. As soon as I returned from my vacation, I planned to let my idea take flight.  Except . . . even the best of plans take some time to come to fruition—a year and a half, to be exact. Still, the timing couldn’t have been better. Just look at our first sweet recipient. First Steps Norwood has been launched, and I couldn’t be more excited.

http://www.wickedlocal.com/norwood/news/x970307761/Norwood-Library-and-Norwood-Hospital-take-First-Steps-toward-literacy#axzz2CutAMb9F

The Art of Journaling

When I was ten years old, my family took a trip to Nova Scotia. I decided to bring along my new diary. It had blue and orange stripes and the all-important lock on the outside. The pages were gold-tipped, and soon the sparkles were flaking onto me and the backseat of the car. When we stopped at a local restaurant to eat, my Mom spent the first part of the meal wiping the endless sparkles from my nose. 

The thing that I treasured the most about my new diary was all the empty pages waiting to be filled. Do you know that feeling? With the right pen, the sky was the limit. Pages were awaiting my brilliant thoughts and recorded memories. For three days, that dream was a reality. I wrote about the beauty of the Cabot Trail, the Bay of Fundy, a nice retired couple I’d befriended, and the cozy inn where we stayed. 

By Day Four, I decided to take a break. I’d start up again the next day. That was a promise but, by Day Five, that promise was broken.  I was only ten years old, after all, and covered in sparkles. Not to mention, I’d discovered something about diaries. There was a lot of pressure attached to this daily recording.  So, the rest of my diary remains empty to this day. Crisp, clean, boring.

Not until I became a writer did I realize the trick to the art of journaling: a journal is different than a diary. A diary is something that includes the date on each page. Some folks love this method. My Uncle Warren is a Civil Engineer. In meticulous fashion, he logs in every day, things like the weather, the barometric pressure, the day’s highlights. He would be the perfect witness at a trial. The problem is that many of us lose our drive to write when we are trapped by the “rules” of daily recordings. 

Journaling is a whole different experience. Journals can have various subjects or themes: a travel journal, a baby journal, a memory, an idea journal. The latter is what I do best. My journal entries aren’t chronological or neat or profound or earth-shattering. Well, at least not all the time. Sometimes I glue in a picture or a postcard. Sometimes I scribble an idea onto a receipt from the gas station (I have a lot of those) or a torn paper bag. Then I’ll tape or glue that idea into my journal. To me, a  journal captures moments and memories and ideas, all without guilt. Guilt-free.

It was my own love of journaling that compelled me to share this art with others. I’ve led many journaling workshops over the years, but I have one that I truly treasure. With a nudge from Pam Chubet at Norwood Housing Authority , I began to lead a journaling workshop at the Walsh Housing over a year ago. We meet on the second Tuesday of the month and we explore memories.  I bring a simple canning jar with a pop lid, and from the jar I pick out a few prompts for the day. It’s amazing where these questions take us. We write for several minutes and then we feel free to share. I’m blown away by the detailed memories that my participants recall: the ice man coming up the street for deliveries, the day President Kennedy was shot, the boy who greeted his neighbor every day while she was healing from an illness on her front porch. My prompts are simple, but the responses are always unique.                                                                                                                                                                       

As with any art, we can find ways to improve our technique with time. Over the years, I have found several sources to guide my journaling. My own desire to journal was fostered when I took a class with Alexandra Johnson. A teacher of memoir writing and creative nonfiction at Wellesley College and the Harvard Extension School, Johnson won the James E. Conway Award for her distinguished teaching .  Her book, Leaving a Trace: On Keeping a Journal, serves as a guide to enriching “your experience of recording your thoughts and impressions of the world around you.”  By examining the journals of famous writers, such as May Sarton and John Cheever, Johnson is able to coax others to try the same techniques.

For those journal keepers who prefer to mix art with words, there are two other useful sources. Visual Journaling: Going Deeper than Words by Barbara Ganim and Susan Fox demonstrates how this combination can be extremely powerful. Sometimes we can’t find the words to express ourselves, especially when we are younger. Visual journaling uses art to reduce stress, release anger and give voice to your soul, all within the confines of a journal. You don’t have to be an artist to record your memories in picture form. 

For those who are artistic, there is another book entitled Artist’s Journal Workshop: Creating Your Life in Words and Pictures. Cathy Johnson draws on her own insight, having used this process for structure and inspiration in her own life. However, she also shares pages and advice from 27 international artists and their journals. 

Of course, it is up to the journal keeper to decide who will read her words. Journaling may serve as a cathartic process and that may be enough. On the other hand, the journal keeper may discover a book waiting to be written after unearthing unique and captivating memories. Author Phyllis Theroux did just that with her memoir, The Journal Keeper. Well-known for her essays, Theroux takes her reader on a journey through six years of her life as a writer (from 2000 until 2006), revealing topics that occupy all of  us—love, finance, death, loneliness. 

And really, at its best, this is exactly what journaling should accomplish: your thoughts, your words, your memories, captured for time. Only you can record your story as you see it. As Holocaust survivor and author, Elie Wiesel said: “That is my major preoccupation --memory, the kingdom of memory. I want to protect and enrich that kingdom, glorify that kingdom and serve it." After all, the human story is your story, too. Don’t be afraid to write it down.

Going for Gold

Like many of you, I’ve been sitting on my couch each night, mesmerized by display after display of Olympic achievement. Whether watching Michael Phelps sweep the all-time Olympic gold record or Gabby Douglas wow the judges on bars, I have this distinct thought: there’s no way, given an eternity to train, that I could accomplish such feats. These Olympians are super-human —they venture beyond the beyond.

But then another thought edges its way into my brain: “Wait one minute! Isn’t this exactly what I’ve been doing, day in and out, for the past 13 years?”  I have been training like an Olympian. The difference? Like many of you, my training has been on a track of words.

And this is the thing….my goals and the prize keep changing. In 1999 when I submitted my first poem into the world, I swore I’d be satisfied with one tiny poem in print. Having one person out in the world appreciate my words would be enough. In my mind, that was gold. And then . . . it happened—the “wanting.”  I’m not sure what that wanting was exactly:  a winning feeling? a deep desire for my words to reach the wider world? But I liked it. I wanted to ride this wave some more.

The good thing is I don’t believe I’ve mastered this art. As Ellen Bryant Voigt advised one of her students: “Honey, it’s all draft until you die.”  I realize I’m not through learning. I continue to take workshops. I’ve formed critique groups. I revise and revise. But my goals took on a new form.

Maybe I’d publish a whole book of poems. Check. Maybe another prize? Check. Maybe the biggest prize? Check. But there’s more How about a whole new genre?! Why not write for children? Of course, I’d be satisfied with ONE picture book, right? That’s the new gold standard. Then I’d let my surf board glide into shore. But wait! There’s the Olympics.

That’s why, in some small way, I can relate to the athletics on my television screen. I, too, have set goals, I’ve mastered techniques. I’ve trained with the best.  In her article “Train like an Olympian [http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/sampleworkouts/ss/OlympicTraining_10.htm],” Elizabeth Quinn discusses strategies for Olympian success. And as writers, we can apply these to our work.  One of the hardest strategies for me is the one Quinn calls “Rest and Recover the Right Way.” This is the stepping back period. I would add Reflection to this category, or a time to be grateful—to reflection all the successes, small, large, and nothing short of miraculous, along the way.

 Recently I reminded a friend of mine of this. He has authored and illustrated over 40 books in his career. When he received an unfavorable review of his latest book, he was in a funk. To be so close to touching that wall, touching that medal, and then to have it yanked away was devastating. But that’s when we have to ask ourselves: are all those ribbons and trophies and medals on the wall the real goal? Can they ever stack up to lives touched, hearts changed and, in the case of authors, those first readers who dared to put fingers to our pages and read our words out loud?  I don’t think so. To me, this is the Olympic-sized goal worthy of pursuit, even if NBC never captures it on tv.

Library Secrets: Part 2

Okay, maybe this isn't a big secret, but have you discovered this amazing resource at your local library? She's called the Children's Librarian. I've yet to meet one I didn't love. What's great about my children's librarian is she anticipates my research needs before I voice them. Just the other day she brought over two new books to my office. "Here you go," she said. "I know you're writing a story for Fifth Graders. These might help you." (FYI, I haven't read them yet, but they are Pie by Sarah Weeks and Dumpling Days by Grace Lin). How much more amazing are the results when I DO ask a direct question; she won't rest until she's scoured the physical and electronic shelves for my answer.

Sometimes I have the privilege of working in the Children's Room at my library. That's when I realize how much there is to learn. Did you know there's a great little series out by ABDO Publishers called "Children's Authors." Each book features a modern author, such as the beloved Maurice Sendak, Grace Lin, Kate DiCamillo and the Wimpy Kid's very own Jeff Kinney? It's also when I get to SNOOP ...sneaking a peak at our most recent additions. One of my favorite newbies was selected as a Must-Read by the Mass Book Awards. Neville by Norton Juster (Phantom Tollbooth), illustrated by G. Brian Karas. This is not your average "child moves to a new neighborhood" kind of book. It's quirky and funny all wrapped into one.

That said, if you haven't made your way into the Children's Department of your library lately, put those running shoes on, and head there immediately. Treasures await, and the aren't just found on the shelve. They may be walking around.